Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize