Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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