I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
