That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
