He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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