Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize