he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
