My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
