nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
