He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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