I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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