I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
