Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
