I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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