Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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