Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
