dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
