he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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