My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
