I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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