I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
