The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
