We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
