She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
