he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
