Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
