I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
