You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
