is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
