im drinking this country out of the recession.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize