Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
