dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
