you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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