Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
one might say we're banned from that church
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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