just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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