tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Boobs speak an international language.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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