i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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