TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
