Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we should paint friendship bongs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
