I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
