There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
