I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
