he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
