Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
