I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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