I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
