What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
