I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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