One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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