I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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