My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
