What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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