He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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