Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
