so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
