So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
