I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
