Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Come see our sink grown plant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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