I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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