I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
