dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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