What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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