So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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