I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this boner is exhausting
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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