She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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