The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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