two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
