so explain again why im purple
no
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize