Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
