Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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