shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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